The
lucent moment is that one glimmer of light amidst a sea of murky darkness. It’s
the deep inhalation after a long fight for air and It’s the sigh of relief
after months of stress, panic and creative clutter. It’s that one moment when
everything comes together even just for a second to make all the hours of
anxiety and doubt seem worthwhile and meaningful. It’s illusive and mysterious
and it doesn’t always arrive when it’s supposed to or stay for as long as it
should but we spend months and years searching for it, trying desperately to
cling on only to feel worthless when it slips away.
I
have always been fascinated with the creative mindset, intrigued by our brains
and how they work for us and often against us.
I
started to write this post on the 11th May - the day that they discovered Scott
Hutchinson’s body. Now to be honest I didn’t really know his music and I’ve
never seen Frightened Rabbit live, but i am filled with a crushing sadness.
I’m
truly gutted that this has happened - for his family, his friends, his band
family and the musical community in Scotland and beyond. I'm sad for everyone
who has felt supported, touched and affected by his music and lyrics over the
years.
I'm so beyond devastated about
the fact that most musicians and creatives I know- my friends - men and women
of all ages, feel incredibly burdened and lost with depression and bad mental
health of some sort. Eating disorders, low self-esteem, anxiety... Some fall
into deep pits of despair and don't come out for years (or ever), some wear
their feelings on their sleeve and get tarred with the brush of being difficult
or 'always depressed' and most continue on with day to day life - going to
work, gigging, looking after their families, trying to make enough money to
even be a creative and put their work out into the world. Trying to look right,
to sound right, to be the next cool thing, reading conflicting information
about how to further their careers and constantly, constantly trying to prove
their worth.
Sometimes
it takes all our focus just to try and feel ok but then things that we love
like being creative, socialising or even getting out of bed can start to seem
impossible. We get stuck in a horrific cycle of low self-esteem or self-worth
which stops us from doing the things that make us feel better to begin with.
I've been reading so many generous and supportive posts from people saying we
need to talk and we need to be there for one another - offering an ear or a
space to chat. This is so wonderful and the discussion about mental health and
how we all feel is opening in a beautiful way. We’re starting to actively try
and make people feel less isolated and that is so important. I believe we must
talk so very much. However, the truth is from my experience, when in the
darkest times, talking and sharing is nearly impossible. We don’t have the
words to vocalise how we feel, we don’t want to burden or worry our friends and
family because we already feel worthless and stupid by just being sad to begin
with. We desperately want someone to notice but we don’t have the energy or
power to reach out and then if the conversation comes up naturally we become
defensive and distant because it’s just too hard to deal with.
It’s
so important that we learn to treat people better in work scenarios. and we
desperately need to build better and more supportive infrastructures that don’t
batter and bruise our artists. We need to stop asking creatives to prove
themselves daily and treat one another like human beings with care,
responsibility and consideration. We work in a highly competitive industry in
which people get chewed up and spat out, so we need to stick together and
support one another by working out new ways and processes to create and present
work in a sustainable way. We need to know and believe in our own worth.
Last
Autumn I decided to apply for The Fusion Fund with Help Musicians UK. It’s a
new fund for projects that develop and test new work, ideas or potential
career directions through inspiring periods of collaborative research and
development. As someone who’s always been passionate about cross medium
collaboration I decided to apply and was so grateful to be awarded the fund. I
knew I wanted to do something about mental health and I knew some of the people
I wanted to work with.
Through some intense and impassioned conversations with
the collaborators on the project, and many of my friends, I realised I wanted
to create a piece of work that represented the artistic community here. I
wanted to know why everyone was struggling so much with their mental health but
continued to repeatedly put themselves through the same stresses and difficult
situations - myself included. Why do we choose to continually lay our souls
bare if it is so painful?
I
find myself surrounded by incredibly talented and wonderful human beings who
can’t see how talented and wonderful they are. They put themselves down in a
heartbeat but it takes a miracle to get them to say or think anything nice
about themselves.
I’ve
teamed up with several amazing people to work on this project - the first being Megan-Cáitlín Dallat. Megan
is an artistic director, visual artist, film photographer, blogger, designer and an all-round creative
force. She graduated with first-class honours in Fine Art from the Ulster University
last year and has a portfolio built on collaborations with many brands, businesses and creatives. She works in the mediums of photography, video, performance art,
illustration, poetry and she will take charge of the creative
documentation and general design of L U C E N T.
The
other collaborators will be announced over the next week or so and we are
inviting you to take part also. Over the next 6 months I will be writing a mini
album of songs inspired by the conversations I hope to have with all of the
creative minds I am so lucky to be surrounded by. The project will culminate
with a performance in Belfast.
This
is an open call for anyone who relates to this idea or these issues and wants
to be part of the conversation. We are going to use this platform to share your
stories and create a safe environment in which to challenge and discuss the
conflicts and joys of being a creative.
We
will conduct interviews, welcome anonymous contributions via an online form and
dedicate a page on our website to your experiences and voices. We hope to build
a supportive community which encourages creatives to talk openly about issues
that matter to them.
Contact us on facebook, instagram, twitter, or email us at thelucentmoment@gmail.com and
watch this space for more exciting updates on the project!
